One-liners

I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

I told my suitcases there will be no vacation this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry.

I used to think I was indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

I haven't slept for ten days. Because that would be too long.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I asked the gym if they had any machines that do the work for me. They sent me to the vending machines.

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

I don't need a hairstylist. My pillow gives me a new look every morning.

I'm not lazy. I'm on energy-saving mode.

I put my phone on airplane mode, but it didn't fly.